Sometimes when I am asleep, and the wind is coming in through the window of my childhood bedroom, I can almost feel you here. For a sleepover, the way we used to do all the time. It was just our clothes then, I didn’t know what was mine or yours. It was our day then, we never left each other’s sides. It was our life then, a pact that if we made it to 40 and were still single, we’d run away together and live on the beach in Mexico. I always wake up in a sweat from those dreams now. Now I live in your phone as an unknown cell number, I live in your photos as a girl you used to know. I live in that stain I left on the carpet of your truck when my bubblegum ice cream melted. Now I’m the most hated girl. For twenty-five years in a row. If you’ve never been the last choice friend, undiagnosed depression at a very young age, artsy but filled with melancholy girl, then you’ve never been the most hated girl. But I’ve worn her skin all my life. At first it was the separate group chat with 9 memb...
I have always been able to walk on my own path. In fact, I liked being the one doing my own thing. I was the kid who was usually doing something alone, in my room. Painting a picture, learning a song on the piano, singing to karaoke YouTube videos. I didn't mind being the kid who was a little different or a little weird. I never thought about where I was supposed to be at that point in life. I didn't care who liked me and who didn't. It wasn’t until adulthood, when life is all about being alone, that I really started to become insecure about almost everything. lovers The tiktok tarot card readers tells me you’re coming back. That you just needed a sec before we could be truly in love but I should wait for a text from you. I picked the flower petals all the way down and got “loves me not” but for some reason I felt like it was wrong. You don’t like my Instagram pictures anymore. There’s a new girl, I think her name starts with a J, and she’ll be the next me until someone els...