I wish sixteen year old me would have told a few more people to go f*ck themselves.
Honestly, I think a lot of us go through life thinking that kindness is the only way to get anywhere. Now listen, that’s not to say to be rude to everyone you meet, but there’s a place and time where it’s perfectly viable to tell someone what they need to hear.
There’s a sort of plateau of kindness. A little bit goes a long way to someone who values you. But at a certain point, the curve kind of…flattens out. The less someone values you, the less it matters HOW nice you are, and becomes more about simply how much they like you. Reality check - some people are just never going to like you. And people think you owe them kindness simply because you just have always acted that way.
Side note - being nice as collateral or so you have something to hold over their head in the future is not nice, its manipulative. Don't be a martyr. I think I'll talk about that more one day...but for now:
I wish sixteen year old me would’ve said something to those older kids who spray painted “FUCK HALEIGH” on the water tower and filmed it for all my friends to see. I wish I would’ve told them I knew it was them who keyed my car from one end to the other.
Call people like you see them. That girl I always thought was my friend is a bitch okay! My mom knew it long before I did. He’s a CHEATER. They’re a liar. They’re an alcoholic. They make fun of people as their sense of humour and you know what? It’s not funny!
Post that subtweet or that quote about moving on to ‘bigger and better things.’
Say NO. Don’t explain why.
Put your middle finger up to that guy who whistles at you walking down the street.
Tell people you don’t want to hang out with them - tell them why. Tell them how they make you feel bad every time. Tell them how shitty it is to feel like a second choice.
Be alone.
Don’t let yourself be available all the time. Don’t answer that text even if you see it come up. Let a phone call ring.
Stop associating yourself with people who don’t congratulate and support your successes. Who don’t share your work. Who don’t celebrate your growth. Who don’t follow your latest Instagram page and don’t get excited to tell people about you.
Don’t wait for people to show you more than once that they don’t care about you. Enough is enough.
A lot of the times I find myself sitting back and shutting up because it’s not a battle I’m willing to fight. I don’t want to be the outcast, don’t want to be the only one who doesn’t get invited places, don’t want to get dumped, don’t want to be lied to. But you know what guys? Even in being the nicest human I could possibly know how to be, I still found myself receiving all of the above.
I still found myself sitting alone sometimes. Still found my name in group chats I was cut from. Still heard someone tell someone else that I was brainless & disgusting from the window two stories up.
Like I said, if people don’t value you, they will never care about how nice you are to them because your service does not matter unless it’s something they need. People who don’t value you will use you as a stepladder to get what they want - to kiss the ass of the people they’re probably way too nice to, and so on.
And at the top of the hierarchy are the badass people who simply don’t give a single f*ck. They don’t care who’s on the stepladder kissing their ass, they just live. And people love them because deep down, I think most of us want to be them.
Most of us want to abandon fear and say all the things we wish we said after we hang up the phone. To scream at the top of our lungs that we don’t care. To let people know they hurt us!
You'll probably lose people when you begin to notice your worth. You will definitely lose people. Sadly, people don't like looking in the face of people they've hurt and continuing to hurt them. I promise though, you will never lose someone who loves you. You will never lose someone who values you or sees the best in you. You will never lose someone worthy of keeping around. You deserve peace. You deserve patience. You deserve forgiveness. You deserve respect. You deserve someone who stays.
I’ve always found it incredibly unfortunate that humans don’t speak their mind so recklessly. We as people (especially my shy folks of the world) do not deserve to live a life we tolerate just for the comfort of others. Again, you don’t have to be a b*tch about it, but you still have rights, you know.
Unfortunately, this sort of blind courage also needs to be directed positively too. Tell people you love them way too early. Kiss someone in front of people! Tell the girl at the sink next to you that you love her jacket. Vocalize compliments you’re too shy to otherwise say. Dive into ‘yes’ more often than you want to.
There’s something so electrifying about a person who asks for what they want. A person who can walk away from what they know they don’t deserve. A person who can accurately identify their boundaries and put a value on their self worth enough to know what fits and what doesn’t.
This person isn’t overly rude to make a point. They simply say their part and move on. They don’t care what people think about them because it doesn’t matter.
If you scrolled through this whole thing to get to the end and this is the only part you read, please read carefully:
If you are afraid to tell a friend how you feel about something they’ve done to you: reconsider your friendship.
If you leave a hangout feeling anxious/nervous/confused/hurt/left out: END IT YOURSELF.
If you are too shy to tell someone you love them: tell them right now. Either they love you back or they don’t - both lift the weight off your shoulders equally.
If you feel like you can’t be brave: that’s exactly when you be brave.
If you wish you would’ve stuck up for younger you: me too.
The only people who will ever be upset about you establishing boundaries are the people who once benefitted from you not having them.
If you’re wondering if I’m writing about you, I am. For the handful of people who refuse to admit they follow this blog but somehow still read everything I write, this is about you. If you think I called you a b*tch from high school up there, I probably did. I don’t care. I don’t miss you. I have filled every gap you left in me once. Thank you for reading (I know it means something, even if it’s coming from me).
Does anyone else feel a bit lighter?
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