Sometimes when I am asleep, and the wind is coming in through the window of my childhood bedroom, I can almost feel you here. For a sleepover, the way we used to do all the time. It was just our clothes then, I didn’t know what was mine or yours. It was our day then, we never left each other’s sides. It was our life then, a pact that if we made it to 40 and were still single, we’d run away together and live on the beach in Mexico. I always wake up in a sweat from those dreams now. Now I live in your phone as an unknown cell number, I live in your photos as a girl you used to know. I live in that stain I left on the carpet of your truck when my bubblegum ice cream melted. Now I’m the most hated girl. For twenty-five years in a row. If you’ve never been the last choice friend, undiagnosed depression at a very young age, artsy but filled with melancholy girl, then you’ve never been the most hated girl. But I’ve worn her skin all my life. At first it was the separate group chat with 9 memb...
This past year has been weird. Not in a way that I struggled all that much, it’s just been a really big long learning experience. I promised myself this year would be about getting to know me for who I was. I promised to relax and be good, better than the good I was last year, and to try start my life out of school with all these amazing different ideas. Plans change, I guess. Without school to stress out over, I found a new way to worry, this time it was about something way more broad and way more brutal, my future . I should’ve been that for Halloween. It’s all I can think about. Who am I gonna be? How am I gonna get there? Who will be there with me? When will it all make sense? Where will I end up? How much will it cost? How much longer can I wait? Am I going to be okay? Will there be love when I get there? Will I have done all the things I needed to do before the opportunity comes around? And then, in true, wouldn’t-be-a-Haleigh-blog-without-it fashion, a song came on the radi...