The one where Haleigh meets Haleigh.
Looking back on my nineteen post, I see a sprout of the Haleigh I spent this year becoming. And now I’m here, and I can’t wait to tell you all about it. Life in a year.
Twenty was the first year in a long time I spent all by myself. I believe it was in this alone time that I was able and open to meet new people. And did I ever meet new people.
I must have fallen in love like forty times a day. With people, and life, and friends, and my journey. It’s crazy how much love I felt this time around. This fall was scary because I was falling out of love at the same time I was falling in. This was my mistake.
I broke a heart or two or three. But if I’m being honest, one of those was my own, too. I thought I was ready to share myself with someone else and I wasn’t. And I felt like a liar. So I cut it all off. Pulled all the strings back and snipped. I needed to fill my bucket before I could share any more.
That’s not to say I didn’t accidentally fall in love several times after that. But hey, I’m working on it.
If we’re gonna overshare, which apparently I am the CEO of, my heart was busted for a long time too. Even through winter and spring and all the seasons. Heartbreak is mean. It’s mean to do and it’s mean to feel. I didn’t want to do that to someone.
This year, I just worked on it all. Myself, and my life, my friendships, my family, my school, I worked hard, and for the first time, it was so easy. My broken little heart started to mush back together.
If something is meant for you, all you have to do is be you to receive it. If something is meant for you, all you have to do is be you to receive it. If something is meant for you, all you have to do is be you to receive it.
So, I used spring to give myself a break. After all, a global pandemic was taking shape, and I was stranded alone in a hospital waiting to see the results of the lung damage a blood clot caused. I needed a break.
The entire world did I think.
I always say that I manifested the pandemic. In a weird way, I asked the universe for a change and I got one. And as insane as the break turned out to be, I think it’s for the better. Is that bad to say?
Anyways. I learned a lot about miss Haleigh in all that solitude. I learned I like being alone with myself again. I relearned to paint and play piano. I practiced guitar. I was baking and singing and sleeping deeply again. I was calm for the first time in ages. Everything was moving slow like a lazy river and I was happy to be along for the ride.
Along for the ride. With no destination. And I was completely okay.
SssUuuUUUumMmmMeerrrrRrR <3333
Guys, I’ve been waiting to tell you about summer ‘20.
I won’t detail it all because I’ve already written about it (go peep the last couple blogs) but in May I moved away from my hometown and I had no plans for a job or a home, I just left.
I wanted to find a job but amidst covid that was nearly impossible. So instead of biting my nails and fretting about the future I just decided to live.
This is not your practice life. This is all there is.
I woke up and enjoyed my morning coffee run. I reconnected with friends I missed in this city. I laid by the ocean and closed my eyes and just breathed. I jumped off a yacht. Jumped off some cliffs, swung off a rope swing into crystal clear waters. I hugged my family. I refreshed my playlists. I sat in the hammock and listened to the rain fall. I practiced living the way I learned to in the winter. I enjoyed all the things that made this life of Haleigh.
When that adventure came to a close, I didn’t even feel sad. I just felt safe. I sat on the boat ride home with stars in my eyes, my bucket overflowing with love and a lust for life. All these years of what felt like waiting, stuck in school, in work, in plans, it felt over. Even though it isn’t, I just feel closer to it now. Like the reality of living the life I dreamed of isn’t as far away as it used to feel.
This isn’t your practice life. I keep coming back to that. Because it isn’t, and I could die tomorrow and that would be all there is. But this is your time to practice life. To practice making friends. To master being a better person, being kinder to yourself.
I’m practicing life now. Practicing going with the flow. Trusting the universe’s plan for me. Practicing responding instead of reacting. Practicing communication and listening. Practicing love, filling my bucket, and giving some away when I can.
Looking back on my nineteen post, I see a sprout of the Haleigh I spent this year becoming. And now I’m here, and I can’t wait to tell you all about it. Life in a year.
fall: heartbreaker
Twenty was the first year in a long time I spent all by myself. I believe it was in this alone time that I was able and open to meet new people. And did I ever meet new people.
I must have fallen in love like forty times a day. With people, and life, and friends, and my journey. It’s crazy how much love I felt this time around. This fall was scary because I was falling out of love at the same time I was falling in. This was my mistake.
I broke a heart or two or three. But if I’m being honest, one of those was my own, too. I thought I was ready to share myself with someone else and I wasn’t. And I felt like a liar. So I cut it all off. Pulled all the strings back and snipped. I needed to fill my bucket before I could share any more.
That’s not to say I didn’t accidentally fall in love several times after that. But hey, I’m working on it.
If we’re gonna overshare, which apparently I am the CEO of, my heart was busted for a long time too. Even through winter and spring and all the seasons. Heartbreak is mean. It’s mean to do and it’s mean to feel. I didn’t want to do that to someone.
This year, I just worked on it all. Myself, and my life, my friendships, my family, my school, I worked hard, and for the first time, it was so easy. My broken little heart started to mush back together.
Winter: rOmANtiCizIng my LifE
I started living like my life was a movie. I just started to love every simple little thing like my warm tea in the morning and wiping the steam off of my bathroom mirror. It became really, really easy to wake up in the morning and feel like I had the freedom to do and be whoever I wanted.
It stopped being this worry to start living, and became more about loving my life as it is. And I do, it's crazy.
Suddenly, there was no more "old Haleigh". Now it was just all me, everything I wanted to do, I just started doing it.
All the things that felt stressful before, like school and work and money, faded away into something I could compartmentalize; something that I didn't need to worry about anymore.
Life gets easy when you live this way.
Spring: actually, life is beautiful and I have time
If something is meant for you, all you have to do is be you to receive it. If something is meant for you, all you have to do is be you to receive it. If something is meant for you, all you have to do is be you to receive it.
So, I used spring to give myself a break. After all, a global pandemic was taking shape, and I was stranded alone in a hospital waiting to see the results of the lung damage a blood clot caused. I needed a break.
The entire world did I think.
I always say that I manifested the pandemic. In a weird way, I asked the universe for a change and I got one. And as insane as the break turned out to be, I think it’s for the better. Is that bad to say?
Anyways. I learned a lot about miss Haleigh in all that solitude. I learned I like being alone with myself again. I relearned to paint and play piano. I practiced guitar. I was baking and singing and sleeping deeply again. I was calm for the first time in ages. Everything was moving slow like a lazy river and I was happy to be along for the ride.
Along for the ride. With no destination. And I was completely okay.
Summer: practice makes perfect
SssUuuUUUumMmmMeerrrrRrR <3333
Guys, I’ve been waiting to tell you about summer ‘20.
I won’t detail it all because I’ve already written about it (go peep the last couple blogs) but in May I moved away from my hometown and I had no plans for a job or a home, I just left.
I wanted to find a job but amidst covid that was nearly impossible. So instead of biting my nails and fretting about the future I just decided to live.
This is not your practice life. This is all there is.
I woke up and enjoyed my morning coffee run. I reconnected with friends I missed in this city. I laid by the ocean and closed my eyes and just breathed. I jumped off a yacht. Jumped off some cliffs, swung off a rope swing into crystal clear waters. I hugged my family. I refreshed my playlists. I sat in the hammock and listened to the rain fall. I practiced living the way I learned to in the winter. I enjoyed all the things that made this life of Haleigh.
When that adventure came to a close, I didn’t even feel sad. I just felt safe. I sat on the boat ride home with stars in my eyes, my bucket overflowing with love and a lust for life. All these years of what felt like waiting, stuck in school, in work, in plans, it felt over. Even though it isn’t, I just feel closer to it now. Like the reality of living the life I dreamed of isn’t as far away as it used to feel.
This isn’t your practice life. I keep coming back to that. Because it isn’t, and I could die tomorrow and that would be all there is. But this is your time to practice life. To practice making friends. To master being a better person, being kinder to yourself.
I’m practicing life now. Practicing going with the flow. Trusting the universe’s plan for me. Practicing responding instead of reacting. Practicing communication and listening. Practicing love, filling my bucket, and giving some away when I can.
Moving to another new city this September has given me another opportunity to practice life. And this is my last shot, before I graduate and start “living in the real world.” So I’m gonna give it everything I’ve got.
september 16
I mean, would I like to be in Vegas right now? Absolutely. I don't think anyone wants to celebrate a birthday in quarantine. But even that isn't disappointing.
For once, even the bad things are satisfying, because I'm content now. And happy too.
Someone told me I'll be 21 forever & I hope that's true. A little grown, a little not, a little scared, a little brave, a little confused, totally happy.
Guess I'm officially "in" my twenties. Crazy.
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