stay gold, ponyboy

nothing gold can stay

nature's first green is gold,

her hardest hue to hold.

her early leaf's a flower;

but only so an hour.

then leaf subsides to leaf.

so Eden sank to grief,

so dawn goes down to day.

nothing gold can stay

Do you think it's possible that Robert Frost wrote this specifically for me at age 20?

If any of you ever read The Outsiders in high school, then you would obviously remember the famous line, "stay gold, Ponyboy." I won't spoil the context for you, but if you need something to read I highly recommend. Anyways, they were of course, referencing 'Nothing Gold Can Stay.' It was Johnny's way of telling Ponyboy to stay young, innocent, gold.

Okay, with the 11th grade English lesson over with, let me tell you why I really wanted to talk about this. 

I've written a lot about letting go. Letting go of people that hurt you, things that felt heavy, grudges, and bad days. But for some reason, this one poem, taught to me by my favourite high school teacher, always kind of stuck around in the back of my mind. It reminds me that maybe it is not learning how to let go, it is learning about the the growth of things, and people, and how sometimes that growth goes beyond us.

Growth is a more positive way of looking at letting go. It's a way of saying things change like the seasons. Nothing gold can stay. Changing leaves, sunrises, gardens, innocence, youth. Everything is constantly growing.

This most recent time of my life has been undeniably difficult to get a hold on. Things have changed faster than they ever have.

love

I almost said I love you, again. I almost felt 'I love you' again. But things happen. People aren't who you think they are. And you use the lessons you learned from past relationships to protect yourself from getting hurt again. And that is growth. I think what existed there, for that moment in time, was gold. 

Love is one of those things I don't think you ever let go of. Either you outgrow it or it outgrows you. That's the beautiful and scary thing about time, it changes everything. Like a sunrise, or a sunset. It is beautiful, warm, and fleeting. I think there's something to learn there about being present in the moment, and accepting love as it comes; because as fast as it comes, it goes.

Hold your arms out, open your eyes wide, admire all of the everything that love has to offer you, and accept all that it will take away. And if it leaves, which it may, remember that it was gold once.

life

I have the word 'honey' tattooed on my arm. Honey is sweet, and pure, and never gets old. I got it to remind me of my youth, in a bid to always try and keep it with me as long as I live. I think that's another way to look at growth -- it may not be with you anymore, but it was once a part of you.

Things go that need to go. 

I reread that a lot. There are some gold things in this life that I have held on to desperately and with everything I have. Begged the universe to please make it stay. But it left. And I just for the life of me could not understand why that had to happen? Until I remembered this poem.

I think back to 16 year-old me, sitting in the front of the class, taking notes on this very poem. Never realizing that one day I would be sitting at my desk with tears welling up in my eyes writing about how it taught me everything I needed to know about life.

Things go that need to go. Bad things, good things, very good things.

sunsets

I have a weird relationship with sunsets. First of all, I'm scared of the dark (I get it ok?!) but I don't think that's the reason. I have a certain level of anxiety that comes with the thought of something ending. Sunsets are beautiful, arguably my favourite part of the day, but they are also a sign that the day is over. It means the world goes to sleep now. Flowers close up, night-lights flicked on, blinds closed. And therefore I am afraid of people that feel like sunsets.

Exquisite, radiating, people, whom you just want to worship. But that feeling that you know it's going to hurt--like really hurt, when its over.

Those people you just know are gold. You know that everyone and everything in the world is drawn to them like flowers leaning towards the sun. 

perfect & beautiful

I don't think anything about 'Nothing Gold Can Stay' is trying to induce sadness or fear. I think that instead there are these perfect & beautiful moments in our life that we don't see because we are too busy being focused on other, menial things; and so the gold fades away and we miss it. 

It's an ode to pausing, loving, and admiring the moments and appreciating them. It's a pinky-promise to living in our youth, loving people as much and as hard as we can, it's about noticing sunsets and sunrises, and seasons, and people. 

Nothing gold can stay.