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the only way to hold on is to let go

Like a botched haircut, or a bad day, you gotta let that shit GO.

Hi, Haleigh here (guess who’s back, back again) I kinda waited to write this because it felt like there was never the right time. Well, it’s still not the right time, but uhh, I do what I want now so here goes nothing.

I feel like one of the hardest things for me to do in life is let go of stuff. Physical things, like my old favourite shirt that for sure doesn’t fit anymore, or that book I’ll probably never read again, right down to all the yucky sad feelings I can’t seem to get rid of.

I mean sure, you should let yourself feel, like process your emotions and gather your thoughts blah blah blah. But there comes a point where it’s like - why am I holding onto this?!?? It’s HEAVY.

There’s a saying I love, written by an author I look up to. Three words: so it goes. I love it so much that I got it tattooed on my body (sorry mom I love you). It’s a simple reminder that this is life. And stuff happens. People are mean. Things hurt. Bad days exist. But it will pass.

Nothing ever stays the same. Not even the good stuff.


Stevie Nicks, the only God I know, wrote the song Landslide. And for a long time, it kind of felt like it was my life:

I've been afraid of changing, 
Because I built my life around you, 
But time makes you bolder, 
Children get older, 
I'm getting older, too. 


10-year-old me loved that song. Little did I know, 10 years later it would actually mean something.


I was afraid of changing. I thought I wouldn't even know who I was without a certain piece of my life that I was used to having. But in trying to keep that piece, I started to lose the rest of myself. And for me, that is when the problem became more clear than it had ever been. The only way to hold on to the me I needed to be, was to let go of the broken pieces I wanted to try and save.


And I am getting older. Part of being a grown up (I'm finding) is learning to make decisions that reclaim your sanity and benefit you and only you.

Letting go hurts. That's just a fact of life. Usually there's just never the right time to say goodbye to something or someone. And honestly, you will often never feel right away like it was the right choice. For me, I just had to close my eyes and think about the small things - and very big things that were beginning to drag me down, and decide. That was not the life I was supposed to be living.

Look, there's no easy way to say this, but if you have a gut feeling that something's wrong...you're probably right. I think the hardest thing to do in the world is admit to stuff that's scary to understand. BUT the bright side is that life will go on and I promise - time heals everything. Trust your gut. Trust your thoughts. Recognize the changes in your behaviour and ask yourself if this aligns with your purpose.

There's a lot of stuff I used to hold on to. Until my hands were full and I was overwhelmed and burdened by them. Like when I would hear some of the stuff that got said behind my back, I would feel sick for days. I tried to imagine how things would be if they could just like me, or give me the chance to apologize. Until I learned that there is so much good stuff to hold on to, so many good memories and happy feelings, I just don't have room for that bad stuff.

I’m just saying. I cleaned out my closet lately. Actually and metaphorically. And I found what I was looking for. And I let go of what no longer fit me. Hey, I made some room for more stuff now anyways. I’m so proud of me (and that was an incredible metaphor. Can i get a round of applause?).

I finally feel like Haleigh on the outside and Haleigh on the inside are coming into alignment, and I could not be a happier girl.

Moral of the story, let it go. Say goodbye to what no longer makes you a better person. Forgive the people who hurt you. Learn to move on the from the pain you were suffering from.

This new season of my life is finally, finally about me. Not what’s happened in the past, not the worries of the future. Just me, laughing out loud at the complete mess that is my life. Following the wind where it takes me for the first time...literally ever.

I've been afraid of changing. But I'm not anymore.


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