I thought my last post was a little angry. (True, but aggressive). And I know better than that. I pride myself in being pretty good at turning anger into something lighter. So I found a reason to thank you.
When I came to terms with the fact that I couldn’t do this anymore (and by ‘do this’ I mean suffocate from our friendship) I was distraught. Like I just wasted such a big part of my life on you. I felt empty. Because you drained every last feeling I had out of me. I was no longer sad, or tired, or lonely, just empty. But all that's changed.
And I felt like that for a long time. I looked at old pictures of us and I missed you and I wanted to call you and ask you to hang out again.
I spent even more wasted time on wondering if it was my fault, if I drove you to act the way you did to me, and wondering why you just left me here to think about these things with no explanations.
Finally, though, I can say there’s a lot that I learned from you.
Here is ten entire reasons why I am thankful for the friendship we had:
1. Thank you for showing me I deserved better. You reminded me that I can’t keep falling down these paths of trying to fix people. You showed me the way best friends shouldn’t act.
2. Thank you for leaving me out of things. I wouldn’t have made better friends if you didn’t. I felt so betrayed for a while, I thought “best friends don’t leave each other out, they invite them” and it dawned on me (finally) that you weren’t even a friend at all.
3. Thank you for blaming me for everything. I took this one pretty hard. Because I never wanted to do anything that would hurt you. I learned to say sorry, I learned to work on myself, and that truly made me a better person. And you, you will never know these things.
4. Thank you for talking s*** behind my back. Did you think my other friends wouldn’t tell me? I’m glad I never heard it myself, because otherwise I probably would have—honestly just cried. And I did. But I learned that you are just jealous of me, and you’re unhappy for your own reasons. And I hope things get better for you.
5. Thank you for befriending my bully. And for taking their side through the awful things they did to me. You showed me your true colours during that time in my life. I won’t say any more on this one because your friendship with them is your karma (a 2-in-1 roast?!!? Who is she!!!).
6. Thank you for telling me you hated my new friends. Can you spell J-E-A-L-O-U-S? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you are so mad that they actually.....care about me that....you have to.....call them down...I just— oh well, you showed me I’m definitely with the right group of people now. The only friends you have can only talk about what bar they went to on the weekend, or what shirt that girl was wearing. I’m sorry but fake attracts fake.
7. Thanks for making me feel invalid. You really know what to say when it comes to making me feel like what I’m saying isn’t being heard. But you know what? I realized that it’s just you diverting the subject, because what I was saying is true and you’re not mature enough to deal with it yet. No worries, I forgive you anyways.
8. Thanks for using me for. Everything. I. Had. For using my time, which I gave to you no-questions-asked. For using my gas, which I always offered. And my family, who loved you, and opened up our home to you. I’m thankful for this because it taught me how to treat everyone with kindness and compassion until they do not deserve it anymore. I always think of the quote “if someone makes you happy, make them happier” and that’s what I did.
9. Thanks for not caring about the hardest time of my life. And letting me go through it without the support of my best friend. It’s okay, really, because I got through it, and now I get to have these huge milestones without you, because I got better without you. And you don’t deserve to celebrate with me. You find out who your real friends are in desperate times.
10. Thank you for making me feel the worst I’ve ever felt. You made me feel so low. So lonely. So stupid. And now I know when to walk away. You taught me how to say goodbye.
My mom was right about you. She always knows what’s best for me.
I’m proud of myself for figuring out how to make this situation a positive one. And how I found it in myself to say thanks to you instead of be mad at you. Because you don’t deserve my energy anymore.
I hope you learn how to make friends one day. I’ll leave it here with one last quote that I try to say every single day:
Be so full that they can take and take and take and you can still be overflowing.
When I came to terms with the fact that I couldn’t do this anymore (and by ‘do this’ I mean suffocate from our friendship) I was distraught. Like I just wasted such a big part of my life on you. I felt empty. Because you drained every last feeling I had out of me. I was no longer sad, or tired, or lonely, just empty. But all that's changed.
And I felt like that for a long time. I looked at old pictures of us and I missed you and I wanted to call you and ask you to hang out again.
I spent even more wasted time on wondering if it was my fault, if I drove you to act the way you did to me, and wondering why you just left me here to think about these things with no explanations.
Finally, though, I can say there’s a lot that I learned from you.
Here is ten entire reasons why I am thankful for the friendship we had:
1. Thank you for showing me I deserved better. You reminded me that I can’t keep falling down these paths of trying to fix people. You showed me the way best friends shouldn’t act.
2. Thank you for leaving me out of things. I wouldn’t have made better friends if you didn’t. I felt so betrayed for a while, I thought “best friends don’t leave each other out, they invite them” and it dawned on me (finally) that you weren’t even a friend at all.
3. Thank you for blaming me for everything. I took this one pretty hard. Because I never wanted to do anything that would hurt you. I learned to say sorry, I learned to work on myself, and that truly made me a better person. And you, you will never know these things.
4. Thank you for talking s*** behind my back. Did you think my other friends wouldn’t tell me? I’m glad I never heard it myself, because otherwise I probably would have—honestly just cried. And I did. But I learned that you are just jealous of me, and you’re unhappy for your own reasons. And I hope things get better for you.
5. Thank you for befriending my bully. And for taking their side through the awful things they did to me. You showed me your true colours during that time in my life. I won’t say any more on this one because your friendship with them is your karma (a 2-in-1 roast?!!? Who is she!!!).
6. Thank you for telling me you hated my new friends. Can you spell J-E-A-L-O-U-S? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you are so mad that they actually.....care about me that....you have to.....call them down...I just— oh well, you showed me I’m definitely with the right group of people now. The only friends you have can only talk about what bar they went to on the weekend, or what shirt that girl was wearing. I’m sorry but fake attracts fake.
7. Thanks for making me feel invalid. You really know what to say when it comes to making me feel like what I’m saying isn’t being heard. But you know what? I realized that it’s just you diverting the subject, because what I was saying is true and you’re not mature enough to deal with it yet. No worries, I forgive you anyways.
8. Thanks for using me for. Everything. I. Had. For using my time, which I gave to you no-questions-asked. For using my gas, which I always offered. And my family, who loved you, and opened up our home to you. I’m thankful for this because it taught me how to treat everyone with kindness and compassion until they do not deserve it anymore. I always think of the quote “if someone makes you happy, make them happier” and that’s what I did.
9. Thanks for not caring about the hardest time of my life. And letting me go through it without the support of my best friend. It’s okay, really, because I got through it, and now I get to have these huge milestones without you, because I got better without you. And you don’t deserve to celebrate with me. You find out who your real friends are in desperate times.
10. Thank you for making me feel the worst I’ve ever felt. You made me feel so low. So lonely. So stupid. And now I know when to walk away. You taught me how to say goodbye.
My mom was right about you. She always knows what’s best for me.
I’m proud of myself for figuring out how to make this situation a positive one. And how I found it in myself to say thanks to you instead of be mad at you. Because you don’t deserve my energy anymore.
I hope you learn how to make friends one day. I’ll leave it here with one last quote that I try to say every single day:
Be so full that they can take and take and take and you can still be overflowing.
Comments
Post a Comment